


Expectations

by TiredOfBeingNice



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: A message to the phandom, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But angsty sounds good, But hey that's okay, Dear Phandom, Expectations, Hurt!Dan, Hurt/Comfort, I have no idea how to tag so here I go, It was supposed to be fluffy tbh, Kind of depressing tbh, Kind!Phil, Lots of Angst, M/M, Marriage, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Pressure, Sadness, Stress, Suicide Attempt, etc. - Freeform, my first phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiredOfBeingNice/pseuds/TiredOfBeingNice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They expect you do well. They expect you to succeed. That's everyone's expectations. </p><p>...</p><p>You, however, have different expectations from different people. </p><p>...</p><p>And you're tired of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> So I hear the Phandom is nice (please be nice), so I decided to post my very first Phanfic. 
> 
> Alright, I have been lurking in this phandom for a while, and I do have a story on here (It's Dan/OC, if you are into that kind of stuff - shameless self advertisement is shameless). But this is my first Dan/Phil story, which is probably what everyone wants by now. 
> 
> I have been feeling a bit sad, and writing is my way to rant on about my emotions and press them into characters by forcing people to read my story. Unfortunately, unlike the ending to this story, I have not found my happy ending, and that unexpected person in my life.
> 
> But it's not about me - this moral is about YOU. I challenge you to find the unexpected person in your life; someone who will break your expectations, and any other expectations that people are pushing against you. 
> 
> Find your unexpected. 
> 
> (cheesiness aside)
> 
> I don't own Dan or Phil; they are real people, and that'd be cruel. I just own this plot that comes from my twisted mind ;)
> 
> This is dedicated to Phil Lester (who I really hope isn't reading this phan trash); thanks for being my sunshine, and the sunshine to millions of others - probably Dan as well. Happy [almost] birthday. 
> 
> Enjoy.

_Expectations._

They expect you to do well.

They expect you to succeed.

They expect your life to be good.

They expect you to try hard; to push yourself.

They expect you to be the best you could be.

They expect nothing less than your happiness.

That’s everyone’s expectations.

...

For you, however, they’re _different_.

You’re expected to fall in love with him. You’re expected to continue living life vicariously through digital characters and be entertaining at the same time. You’re expected to show up with something new in less than a month. They expect gossip and accidental innuendos that you know aren’t accidental at all. They expect new merchandise, and they expect new content. They expect topics. They expect _relatable_ topics.

You’re expected to fall in love with him. You’re expected to be happy, when your topics are hinting your sadness. They expect your channel to be entertaining - entertaining your audience with your antidotes of failure. They expect you to have an existential crisis - an existential crisis no one takes seriously - _and tweet about it._

You’re expected to fall in love with him. You’re expected to act fluffy, and use big words that seem too big for your mouth. They expect that you keep failing, but somehow make it funny in a way everyone can laugh at you. They expect that they can laugh at _and_ with you. They expect you _not to care._ If you do care, they don’t care; they’ll make it into fanfiction.

 _You’re expected to fall in love with him._ You’re expected to continue throwing the sarcastic jokes, and you are expected to clear society’s cruel acts, when society is just throwing you under the bus. They expect you to live with the fact that you’re _terribly unfit,_ and they expect you to understand when they make fun of you; they expect you don’t care either. They expect you to understand the terrible remarks - “You’re hair is ugly, and so are you.” “You are not funny at all - go die.” “Ha ha ha, your life sucks, huh?” “Gaylord. Posh gaylord who is also fat.” “No one will miss you, selfish bastard”  - because they expect that you know _that is the kind of audience you have._ They expect that you know it’s all sarcastic jokes; they expect you to think it’s all _fake._

 _You’re expected to fall in love with him._ The words are expected to ground harder in your brain. You’re expected to love him in so many ways, and everyone expects that it’s anything _but_ platonic. They expect you to be in his every video, and for him to be in yours, because _you’re expected to fall in love with him._ They respect you that way. They respect you as a whole, not two entities.

They expect you to _fall in love._ To choose _him_ over anything and _everything_ else.

 _You’re expected to fall in love with him_ **_._ ** Your expectations are nearly as bad as theirs. It’s like their expectations were just the crumbles of dirt beneath the grass, and your expectations is a whole different world; buried beneath the layers of the earth.

 _You’re expected to fall in love with who?_ It’s too hard now. Your expectations. Their expectations. They are two different things, but there’s so many of them. So many of them, that they start to blur together until you can only see one expectation in general.

_Fall in love with him._

_You’re tired of falling in love with him._ You’re tired of expectations pinning you to the ground, and keeping you there for a long time. You’re tired of questioning life and your own existence at the entertainment of others. You’re tired of holding the white capsules in your hands _as if your life depended on it._

Your expectations are worse. You said it before, and you’ll say it again. _Your expectations are worse, and they can become so much more worse._

Your expectations go as followed: you expect that you meet your expectations. To go above and beyond. _To be perfect._ No, you aren’t the ray of sunshine (though you can imagine how hard that expectation must be for him.), but you are expected to be the realistic one.

And, at this rate, you can’t tell what reality people want you to live by.

Your expectations are getting worse. You expect of yourself nothing less than what they expect of you. You expect that you’ll fail, and they’ll laugh at you because of it. You expect you hide the face behind the mask you wear in _every goddamn video._

_YOU CAN’T FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM IF HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU._

They expect you and him to be soulmates; they expect you to love each other. But you expect that no one can love a soulless entity; someone that’s literally crumbling in the hands of society.

They _demand_ your success, and you find that _their expectations are now your job._

Your life is now revolving around these expectations, and you expect to find a bottle of beer from New Year’s in your fridge. You expect that he won’t be home, and that he’d be in America, living the _Florida dream_

You expect that he’ll cry, but then you expect he’ll never forgive you. You expect you’ll be hated when you’re gone; they’ll think your only solution to anything is _running away._

They expect that running is the last thing you’ll ever do - physically and mentally.

You expect it’ll be all over when you put the white pills in your mouth, and take the last swig of alcohol; _you’re ending it now._ You expect he will find you on the couch with an ironic smile to hide the fact _the expectations will disappear in a second._

You expect that it’s normal that the world’s spinning. You expect that you’ll stumble to grab the piece of paper and that you’ll fumble when you write the word in messy scrawls - stupid left handedism.

_eXpecTatiOns._

…

Dammit, you thought it was over. You didn’t expect blue eyes, _dammit._

* * *

They expect you to be quiet - this is a hospital after all. They expect you to make a choice. Asylum? You’re crazy. But that is a crazy idea. Therapy? You don’t want to, but they expect you to.

Or do you just want to try again?

He’s by your side. He tells you that they don’t know anything, but they expect that when you tweeted ‘just a bit sick’ that you were _just a bit sick._

You are expected to go back to your own life. To live a robot-structured life of doing the same thing over and over again, and that the expectations in your head will continue to punch through your skull until _it breaks it completely._

But there’s one thing stopping you: _him._

He tells you that he expects nothing from you, and you think you’ll need to hear it from him again.

_He tells you that he expects nothing from you._

You waited for the ‘except’ part. The part where he says he expects nothing from you _except_ to get better. To be happier. To be _himself._

You expect that he’ll say something, and add to the snowstorm of expectations.

…

_But Phil Lester himself was something Dan Howell didn’t expect at all._

_…_

_“I never expected this.”_ is the main part of your vows.

It’s been years. You’ve only kept _one_ expectation that held against you, and you kind of hoped it was the one you would never keep.

Times change.

You hold his hands and say two words. He tightens his grasp and says the same. The man draped in black tell you to go ahead, and he _smiles at you._

People would expect the veil to go up, _but this isn’t a normal wedding._

No veil is brushed aside, but, instead, _a jet black fringe._

You expect the Phandom will go mad.

You expect nothing less.

But you know you can’t escape expectations; you just need someone to help you _expect the unexpected._

_"Thank you, Phil Lester. Thank you for being unexpectable.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Review, comment, leave kudos, bookmark, I don't know what you do on this website. But feel free to express your sadness/problems/random crap you need to unload down in the comments; this can become a support group or something :P
> 
> And to the Phandom: don't put too much pressure on Dan or Phil, or both. They are people as much as we are, so if they can't do something, don't strangle them. I don't know why I'm saying this (most of y'all are really nice) I just found people who do that sometimes. They have their own lives. So be kind to one another and them :)
> 
> Have a better day :)


End file.
